I haven't blogged for a couple of days because sunday I had a busy day and yesterday I had to have two teeth out and was feeling a little delicate. I have never been so scared of the dentist before. I didn't sleep the night before and felt ill all morning knowing come 11am i'd be in that chair. I don't know why I was so nervous this time but I actually very nearly walked out of the waiting room cos I was so shaky. I finally got into the chair and even told the dentist how scared I was (which anyone that knows me will know that's not like me. I would rather bottle it up inside than admit to someone that I am petrified of something) and she was really reassuring and I managed to endure the whole ordeal without any problems. I got home and spent the rest of the day on the sofa. I don't mind admitting that I was quite traumatized by this point and needed lots of comforting which I thankfully received from my better half.
All of this has had me thinking today about how I had a tooth out about 5 years ago and went on my own and then straight to work afterwards and it never bothered me in the slightest. The thing is that I have changed so much in the last few years and although i'm a more responsible and mature person now I think i'm more open about my feelings and in a way I think it's made me weaker than I used to be. Or has it? I'm not sure if me being a more emotional, sensitive person is necessarily a sign of weakness. Maybe it takes a stronger person to be able to be more open because instead of hiding things away in a deep, dark corner of my mind, they are out there and have to be dealt with. I admit I do feel a bit exposed by doing this but it's only really my girlfriend that i'm this open with and I feel quite safe doing that. It takes me a long time to be comfortable with someone so most people never see anything more than the jokey, playful side to me. I don't like people getting past that exterior because that's risky and although I see myself as a pretty strong person, when I do go down, I go down hard.
There are one or two people in my life that I know without a shadow of a doubt I could count on to hold me up when I start sinking but it's admitting that I need help that I find a problem. So instead of asking for help I try to manage on my own. That's when I clam up and find it hard to have any emotion. I know I will eventually fix this problem. I have with other things. I had a furious temper up until a while ago but after nearly completely destroying everything I had I managed to sort it. It was hard and even now I still sometimes feel that familiar rage inside of me but I know how to stop it becoming destructive now.
To be honest, I think this blog is just a load of rambling because if I read this back I doubt it would make much sense and I would probably delete the whole thing and start again. That's why i'm just gonna press 'publish post' and i'll read this back to myself at another time.
You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see but you cannot close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.
Anon
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Saturday, 16 October 2010
And Another Thing
I know i've already blogged today but I feel I have more to say.
Any of you that know me will know that I used to think of myself as a bit of a musician. I haven't played a guitar for quite some time now and feel that i've lost my mojo. I can't get back into the flow of it. I know that it will come back to me with much perseverance. I need to rough up my fingers again because at the moment they are painful after a few minutes of playing. I've also very recently bought a new guitar and finding it hard to bond with it. Maybe because it's an acoustic Fender and i'm more used to harsher sounding electrics. I've wanted to switch to acoustic for ages but now that I have i'm not sure I can play it as well as I can an electric. Also, my flat has high ceilings and extremely good acoustics so when I play, it's loud and I can hear all my mistakes which infuriates me. I'm quite a perfectionist and if I do something wrong, I come down hard on myself.This isn't just when I play the guitar. I'm like this in life with most things and tend to give myself a hard time whenever I think i've made a mistake.
I need to try to relax and unravel the stiffness that I have. The best way for me to do that is to do the things I love which is firstly going to be to get a strong relationship going with my guitar so I can play properly. I think I want to learn another instrument too. I'll wait til i'm back on track with the guitar and then i'll think about what other instrument I want to learn. It's most likely to be the piano. I sometimes hear a piece played on a piano and get the most intense shiver run through me. Music is my biggest passion. I couldn't imagine my life without it. It has the ability to hold memories within a single song. There are some songs I find very difficult to listen to because they hold emotions for me that are far too intense to handle. They bring back memories of times I either want to forget or that have unresolved issues that i'm not ready or strong enough to face right now. But there are other songs that hold brilliant memories of times in my life that I have thoroughly enjoyed. Most of my memories are somehow linked to a certain song. Some songs remind me of people in my life, some of places i've been, some of certain events. Music for me makes the world go around. I think it's the only thing in my life I couldn't live without. In the words of Frank Turner "If music was the food of love, i'd be a fat romantic slob".
Or maybe it's one of two things I can't live without. I'm not sure how long I could last without books. Other than the past week, cos I was away, I make time to read every single day. I've always liked to read but over the last year and a half I have read far more books than I the rest of my life put together. It's probably because my girlfriend is a writer and reads a lot more than anyone else i've ever met so I don't feel guilty if I bury myself in a book for a few hours because she knows exactly how it feels to get lost in a fictional world. I tend to immerse myself into a book as much as she does with her own writing. I stay out of her writing because I think it's a personal thing while it's in the delicate stages of a first draft but she did share some of it with me tonight and i'm looking forward to seeing where it will go. I think if she can throw herself into it this time she'll be more successful than she would expect. Without being biased I truly believe she has what it takes. All she needs to do is start believing it too.
I'm thinking of tackling some classics as the only ones i've read are gothic horrors like Dracula, Frankenstein and a few Jane Austin type novels at school which don't really count. I reckon i'll go for Moby Dick. It won't be yet though because I have a load to get through. I'm on Wolves Of The Callah, book 5 of the Dark Tower series at the moment and there are two more of them to get through. I have The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo as well that I haven't got round to reading yet. Between us we have at least 500 hundred books and there are quite a lot that I haven't read yet. I've also been recommended another series which I will eventually get round to reading. Stephen King is probably my favourite author and I think anybody that has read one of his best pieces of work such as The Stand or The Dark Tower and entered the worlds of Mother Abigail and Randall Flagg or Roland Deschain and Eddie Dean, will know that he has the most incredible mind. I have read a lot of his work but there is plenty more and I plan to read every single one of them.
There is also a series of books aimed at children but enjoyed by many adults called Percy Jackson and I know some of you will have heard of the film but I saw that after waiting a long time for it and it was such a let down. The books are incredible and I have read them all more than once. There is now a new series by the same author, Rick Riordan, that is set in the same place and with some of the same characters. I will certainly be reading it as soon as I get my hands on a copy.
I'm watching Life Stories: Russell Watson. What an amazing man. As if one brain tumour the size of two golf balls wasn't enough for one man to survive, he gets a regrowth and has to have a second removed. It's just not right is it? A gifted tenor at not even 40 years old with two little girls to leave behind. Against the odds he fought back and is now well and living an almost normal life. I don't know if I would have the strength to fight so hard against so much tragedy. I'd like to think i'd give it my all but I think it would be hard not to give up. I don't know very much about this man but I do know that he will be a massive inspiration to people in the same or similar circumstances to what he endured and will give hope to those who reach the point where they get tempted to quit fighting. A brave man in my eyes.
Music is the shorthand of emotion.
Leo Tolstoy
Any of you that know me will know that I used to think of myself as a bit of a musician. I haven't played a guitar for quite some time now and feel that i've lost my mojo. I can't get back into the flow of it. I know that it will come back to me with much perseverance. I need to rough up my fingers again because at the moment they are painful after a few minutes of playing. I've also very recently bought a new guitar and finding it hard to bond with it. Maybe because it's an acoustic Fender and i'm more used to harsher sounding electrics. I've wanted to switch to acoustic for ages but now that I have i'm not sure I can play it as well as I can an electric. Also, my flat has high ceilings and extremely good acoustics so when I play, it's loud and I can hear all my mistakes which infuriates me. I'm quite a perfectionist and if I do something wrong, I come down hard on myself.This isn't just when I play the guitar. I'm like this in life with most things and tend to give myself a hard time whenever I think i've made a mistake.
I need to try to relax and unravel the stiffness that I have. The best way for me to do that is to do the things I love which is firstly going to be to get a strong relationship going with my guitar so I can play properly. I think I want to learn another instrument too. I'll wait til i'm back on track with the guitar and then i'll think about what other instrument I want to learn. It's most likely to be the piano. I sometimes hear a piece played on a piano and get the most intense shiver run through me. Music is my biggest passion. I couldn't imagine my life without it. It has the ability to hold memories within a single song. There are some songs I find very difficult to listen to because they hold emotions for me that are far too intense to handle. They bring back memories of times I either want to forget or that have unresolved issues that i'm not ready or strong enough to face right now. But there are other songs that hold brilliant memories of times in my life that I have thoroughly enjoyed. Most of my memories are somehow linked to a certain song. Some songs remind me of people in my life, some of places i've been, some of certain events. Music for me makes the world go around. I think it's the only thing in my life I couldn't live without. In the words of Frank Turner "If music was the food of love, i'd be a fat romantic slob".
Or maybe it's one of two things I can't live without. I'm not sure how long I could last without books. Other than the past week, cos I was away, I make time to read every single day. I've always liked to read but over the last year and a half I have read far more books than I the rest of my life put together. It's probably because my girlfriend is a writer and reads a lot more than anyone else i've ever met so I don't feel guilty if I bury myself in a book for a few hours because she knows exactly how it feels to get lost in a fictional world. I tend to immerse myself into a book as much as she does with her own writing. I stay out of her writing because I think it's a personal thing while it's in the delicate stages of a first draft but she did share some of it with me tonight and i'm looking forward to seeing where it will go. I think if she can throw herself into it this time she'll be more successful than she would expect. Without being biased I truly believe she has what it takes. All she needs to do is start believing it too.
I'm thinking of tackling some classics as the only ones i've read are gothic horrors like Dracula, Frankenstein and a few Jane Austin type novels at school which don't really count. I reckon i'll go for Moby Dick. It won't be yet though because I have a load to get through. I'm on Wolves Of The Callah, book 5 of the Dark Tower series at the moment and there are two more of them to get through. I have The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo as well that I haven't got round to reading yet. Between us we have at least 500 hundred books and there are quite a lot that I haven't read yet. I've also been recommended another series which I will eventually get round to reading. Stephen King is probably my favourite author and I think anybody that has read one of his best pieces of work such as The Stand or The Dark Tower and entered the worlds of Mother Abigail and Randall Flagg or Roland Deschain and Eddie Dean, will know that he has the most incredible mind. I have read a lot of his work but there is plenty more and I plan to read every single one of them.
There is also a series of books aimed at children but enjoyed by many adults called Percy Jackson and I know some of you will have heard of the film but I saw that after waiting a long time for it and it was such a let down. The books are incredible and I have read them all more than once. There is now a new series by the same author, Rick Riordan, that is set in the same place and with some of the same characters. I will certainly be reading it as soon as I get my hands on a copy.
I'm watching Life Stories: Russell Watson. What an amazing man. As if one brain tumour the size of two golf balls wasn't enough for one man to survive, he gets a regrowth and has to have a second removed. It's just not right is it? A gifted tenor at not even 40 years old with two little girls to leave behind. Against the odds he fought back and is now well and living an almost normal life. I don't know if I would have the strength to fight so hard against so much tragedy. I'd like to think i'd give it my all but I think it would be hard not to give up. I don't know very much about this man but I do know that he will be a massive inspiration to people in the same or similar circumstances to what he endured and will give hope to those who reach the point where they get tempted to quit fighting. A brave man in my eyes.
Music is the shorthand of emotion.
Leo Tolstoy
Live A Lotto
I have wrote loads of random stuff on here today but it's mostly jumbled nonsense so I just keep deleting it all. It still amazes me that I find it easier to share my thoughts with the world on here than to talk about stuff to my nearest and dearest but I really am trying lately to not be such a closed book and to let people see what's beneath the surface.
A lot of today has been spent talking to a friend who, if i'm honest, is concerning me. She seems to be in a bad place at the moment and I wish I knew how to help but I have a feeling that this is something she'll have to figure out for herself. All I can do is be here and offer my time and strength whenever it's needed. I'm sure she'll be fine though, she's a very strong person.
On a lighter note, the same friend told me a story about how she has misplaced a lottery ticket before she was able to check the numbers. The thing is that so far, a jackpot winner from that draw has failed to claim their winnings. Could it be the winning ticket? We're not just talking about a couple of million either. This is over a hundred million. Imagine that. It'd be driving me completely insane. I would love that amount of money. The more, the better. I'm not one of those deluded fools that claim that 'money wouldn't change me'. Don't be ridiculous. Of course it would. I know it would change me, anyway. As much as I would like to be able to help all the worthy causes that are always fundraising to help people and animals in need, I would rather give one large amount of money to a single charity to make a significant difference to one group of people than smaller amounts to many and only make a slight difference if any. There are a few people in my life that I would like to help have a more comfortable life but I wouldn't help everyone and that might earn me a few enemies. The thing is that there are a handful of people that I know would not think any different of me whether I gave them a fortune or nothing at all and they are the people that would get my help. I believe that if you want to be rich, you should count the things you have that money can't buy cos I know that it's those things that make me a very wealthy person indeed.
I decided that from now on, I would end each blog with a quote.
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
Michael Pritchard
A lot of today has been spent talking to a friend who, if i'm honest, is concerning me. She seems to be in a bad place at the moment and I wish I knew how to help but I have a feeling that this is something she'll have to figure out for herself. All I can do is be here and offer my time and strength whenever it's needed. I'm sure she'll be fine though, she's a very strong person.
On a lighter note, the same friend told me a story about how she has misplaced a lottery ticket before she was able to check the numbers. The thing is that so far, a jackpot winner from that draw has failed to claim their winnings. Could it be the winning ticket? We're not just talking about a couple of million either. This is over a hundred million. Imagine that. It'd be driving me completely insane. I would love that amount of money. The more, the better. I'm not one of those deluded fools that claim that 'money wouldn't change me'. Don't be ridiculous. Of course it would. I know it would change me, anyway. As much as I would like to be able to help all the worthy causes that are always fundraising to help people and animals in need, I would rather give one large amount of money to a single charity to make a significant difference to one group of people than smaller amounts to many and only make a slight difference if any. There are a few people in my life that I would like to help have a more comfortable life but I wouldn't help everyone and that might earn me a few enemies. The thing is that there are a handful of people that I know would not think any different of me whether I gave them a fortune or nothing at all and they are the people that would get my help. I believe that if you want to be rich, you should count the things you have that money can't buy cos I know that it's those things that make me a very wealthy person indeed.
I decided that from now on, I would end each blog with a quote.
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
Michael Pritchard
Friday, 15 October 2010
God Save The Queen
Well, i'm back. The last few days have been interesting. The caravan was situated in a perfect location with the beach to one side and huge hills to the other. It's the first time I had to been to that part of Wales and I must say it is stunning and my time there certainly relieved some stress. It's hard to be too tense when your surroundings are so relaxing. I wanted to spend some of the time there thinking about making some changes to my life and I did that.There are some people I need to make an effort to keep in my life and there are a few I need to evict from my life. I've already started to do this. One person is gone and there are a couple more to follow. So hopefully things will start looking up without the added stress of the few losers that get right on my nerves.
Anyway, enough of that. On wednesday the 33 men trapped down a mine in Chile for 69 days were finally brought to safety. Astonishing news. It seems they are all physically well and some have been allowed home already with the rest expected to go home the end of today. They have been promised six months of aftercare which I think is vital. They may well be physically fit enough to get back to normal life but mentally this may not be the case. Let's all hope that psychological problems will be minimal.
The scenes above ground when all 33 men reached the surface was incredible. The pride among the people of Chile is inspiring. When was the last time England came together in that way? Okay, we all mourned Princess Diana and there was a sense of unity among us but when have we celebrated anything together as a nation? The only thing that springs to my mind is the end of World War Two. Britain was united under the same flag and celebrations spilled out of peoples homes onto the streets. 65 years later our country is a mess. We are worried about being branded as racist or hooligans if we have any pride. In june of this year a 7 year old little boy was attacked by a grown man in Scotland for wearing an England shirt. In march, our troops returned home from duty in Iraq and paraded in Watford. They were faced with a group of protesters holding placards branding these men 'Butchers of Basra' and that was only one incident. It was happening all over the country. If we fly the St George's Cross we're accused of racism. I for one fly my flag because i'm proud to be English. That includes our customs, history, heritage and patriotism. That doesn't mean I hate anyone who is from a different country. I think we should all be proud of who we are and where we come from and fly our flags whenever we want to, not just to show support to our nation's sporting teams.
It shocks me that many English people don't even know the first verse to our national anthem. Shouldn't we be teaching this to our children? Shouldn't they be learning it at school? Yet, at primary school, young british children are taught about other nations and even songs in their languages. I know our national anthem is long with it's 6 verses but couldn't we at least teach them the first and most commonly used verse? I've heard kids singing Star Spangled Banner. How do they know the USA's but not ours? It's time we start taking things into our own hands and teach our children that this is their country and nothing should ever make them feel ashamed of who they are.
And for any of you that wants to know, here are the 6 verses.
1. God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen
2. O Lord our God arise
Anyway, enough of that. On wednesday the 33 men trapped down a mine in Chile for 69 days were finally brought to safety. Astonishing news. It seems they are all physically well and some have been allowed home already with the rest expected to go home the end of today. They have been promised six months of aftercare which I think is vital. They may well be physically fit enough to get back to normal life but mentally this may not be the case. Let's all hope that psychological problems will be minimal.
The scenes above ground when all 33 men reached the surface was incredible. The pride among the people of Chile is inspiring. When was the last time England came together in that way? Okay, we all mourned Princess Diana and there was a sense of unity among us but when have we celebrated anything together as a nation? The only thing that springs to my mind is the end of World War Two. Britain was united under the same flag and celebrations spilled out of peoples homes onto the streets. 65 years later our country is a mess. We are worried about being branded as racist or hooligans if we have any pride. In june of this year a 7 year old little boy was attacked by a grown man in Scotland for wearing an England shirt. In march, our troops returned home from duty in Iraq and paraded in Watford. They were faced with a group of protesters holding placards branding these men 'Butchers of Basra' and that was only one incident. It was happening all over the country. If we fly the St George's Cross we're accused of racism. I for one fly my flag because i'm proud to be English. That includes our customs, history, heritage and patriotism. That doesn't mean I hate anyone who is from a different country. I think we should all be proud of who we are and where we come from and fly our flags whenever we want to, not just to show support to our nation's sporting teams.
It shocks me that many English people don't even know the first verse to our national anthem. Shouldn't we be teaching this to our children? Shouldn't they be learning it at school? Yet, at primary school, young british children are taught about other nations and even songs in their languages. I know our national anthem is long with it's 6 verses but couldn't we at least teach them the first and most commonly used verse? I've heard kids singing Star Spangled Banner. How do they know the USA's but not ours? It's time we start taking things into our own hands and teach our children that this is their country and nothing should ever make them feel ashamed of who they are.
And for any of you that wants to know, here are the 6 verses.
1. God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen
2. O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all
3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour
Long may she reign
May she defend our laws
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen
4. Not in this land alone
But be God's mercies known
From shore to shore
Lord make the nations see
That men should brothers be
And form one family
The wide world over
5. From every latent foe
From the assassins blow
God save the Queen
O'er her thine arm extend
For Britain's sake defend
Our mother, prince, and friend
God save the Queen
6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring
May he sedition hush
And like a torrent rush
Rebellious Scots to crush
God save the King
On her be pleased to pour
Long may she reign
May she defend our laws
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen
4. Not in this land alone
But be God's mercies known
From shore to shore
Lord make the nations see
That men should brothers be
And form one family
The wide world over
5. From every latent foe
From the assassins blow
God save the Queen
O'er her thine arm extend
For Britain's sake defend
Our mother, prince, and friend
God save the Queen
6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring
May he sedition hush
And like a torrent rush
Rebellious Scots to crush
God save the King
Sunday, 10 October 2010
It's my life
So today has been a little hectic. Had lots of last minute stuff to do as we're going away tomorrow for a few days and I can't wait. The last few months have been so stressful and I certainly need this break.
A friend said to me recently "It's your life. Take control" It's stuck with me since and I think I will use the time away to evaluate my life and make a few decisions about what I want from it. For instance, my job. I know i'm lucky to have it and for the last few weeks i've been getting paid to practically do nothing but it's not enough for me. I need some sort of challenge cos at the moment i'm bored.
Also, I think I need to think about certain people in my life and whether or not they are good for me. I have some amazing friends and family but there are a few people that just grate on me and zap my energy. It's time to think about me and not worry about everyone else anymore. By the time I get home from this break I will have decided what to do and I think there will be a few people that I will be ejecting from my life for good.
Speaking of ejecting, thank god Nicolo is out of X Factor. I really didn't like him. He exudes arrogance.
So, anyway, i've also been thinking a lot lately about eventually moving back down south. Definitely not back to London but somewhere nice in the south. The thing is that I don't know if I even want to be down there anymore. Since I moved up here to Liverpool I have missed it down there. But I have now got used to it here and I like it. I live in the heart of the city in the middle of everything. Could I ever afford to live somewhere like thsi down there? No chance. And what do I have to go back there for anyway? Nothing. A few friends, yes but I go down to visit when I can and there is nothing stopping them coming up here to see me. I don't think I have anything left down there to justify moving back. I feel like i'd be taking a massive step backwards so for now, i'm gonna stick it out up here.
If i'm honest I have grown to love this city and some of the people in it. Life is very different here, a lot louder to say the least. Scousers do tend to shout a lot but i'm used to that now. One thing I must say is that the women up here look after themselves. Most look stunning but the accent is annoying on them. It's not so bad on men but when it's a woman with a high pitched voice it goes right through me.
Right, i'm done for the time being. I'm sure i'll be back next weekend with lots to say but for now it's adios.
A friend said to me recently "It's your life. Take control" It's stuck with me since and I think I will use the time away to evaluate my life and make a few decisions about what I want from it. For instance, my job. I know i'm lucky to have it and for the last few weeks i've been getting paid to practically do nothing but it's not enough for me. I need some sort of challenge cos at the moment i'm bored.
Also, I think I need to think about certain people in my life and whether or not they are good for me. I have some amazing friends and family but there are a few people that just grate on me and zap my energy. It's time to think about me and not worry about everyone else anymore. By the time I get home from this break I will have decided what to do and I think there will be a few people that I will be ejecting from my life for good.
Speaking of ejecting, thank god Nicolo is out of X Factor. I really didn't like him. He exudes arrogance.
So, anyway, i've also been thinking a lot lately about eventually moving back down south. Definitely not back to London but somewhere nice in the south. The thing is that I don't know if I even want to be down there anymore. Since I moved up here to Liverpool I have missed it down there. But I have now got used to it here and I like it. I live in the heart of the city in the middle of everything. Could I ever afford to live somewhere like thsi down there? No chance. And what do I have to go back there for anyway? Nothing. A few friends, yes but I go down to visit when I can and there is nothing stopping them coming up here to see me. I don't think I have anything left down there to justify moving back. I feel like i'd be taking a massive step backwards so for now, i'm gonna stick it out up here.
If i'm honest I have grown to love this city and some of the people in it. Life is very different here, a lot louder to say the least. Scousers do tend to shout a lot but i'm used to that now. One thing I must say is that the women up here look after themselves. Most look stunning but the accent is annoying on them. It's not so bad on men but when it's a woman with a high pitched voice it goes right through me.
Right, i'm done for the time being. I'm sure i'll be back next weekend with lots to say but for now it's adios.
Embrace the madness
I'm starting to like this blogging stuff. It's actually more therapeutic than I expected. I do find though that I keep writing a whole load of stuff and then realising I actually don't want to share this stuff and deleting it all and starting again. But at least I can get some of my thoughts down which does free up a little space in my head.
So, anyway, as usual I was awake at the crack of dawn this morning and couldn't get back to sleep so got up and put the tv on just for mindless background noise. Supernanny has come on and I think it's time to admit to the world that I have a little crush on Jo Frost. What is that all about? She isn't particularly attractive is she? There is something about her. Maybe it's the submissive in me that wants to be dominated. I do like powerful, strong-minded women. Maybe I should just stop analyzing it.
I can't sign off without adressing 'X Factor'. Did everyone watch it? Wow, what a show. I must say that I have had strong opinions on Cher Lloyd for the past week. I loved her at her audition and even more at boot camp with her rendition of coldplay's Viva la vida. The thing is that her performance at the judges home stage in the competition was pretty much non existent so she should never have got through over Gamu who I loved also. But, after last night's performance, I think she has now earned her place.
Then there is Katie who I like because she is so different but again, she didn't deserve her place above Gamu. But last night's performance was very good. Maybe not her voice but she is without a doubt a great performer.
And there is the scouser. Rebecca. I love her and will be backing her all the way this year. As I will be with Aiden and Matt. Both have unique voices and both deserve a shot at stardom.
Mary was good but i'm not sure how versatile her voice is. She is great with big songs with big notes but how will she do on disco week for instance? Storm. Well, I actually really like him but he is just a few years too late for the sort of singer he is. Didn't think much of Paije. I liked him in his audition but didn't like him last night but I really do hate that song so we'll see what happens. Wagner is hilarious and I have to agree with Simon's statement 'Embrace the madness' cos that is what this year is all about. He is right that this country has become so serious and uptight and I think with allthe bad things that have happened to our nation we all need a bit of Wagner in our lives.
The only person I really can't stand is Nicolo. What a wanker. That's all I have to say about him. What a total wanker.
You may have noticed I haven't mentioned any of the groups. There isn't really much to say. None of them interest me except the madness that is Diva Fever but for the same reason as Wagner.
Embrace the madness.
So, anyway, as usual I was awake at the crack of dawn this morning and couldn't get back to sleep so got up and put the tv on just for mindless background noise. Supernanny has come on and I think it's time to admit to the world that I have a little crush on Jo Frost. What is that all about? She isn't particularly attractive is she? There is something about her. Maybe it's the submissive in me that wants to be dominated. I do like powerful, strong-minded women. Maybe I should just stop analyzing it.
I can't sign off without adressing 'X Factor'. Did everyone watch it? Wow, what a show. I must say that I have had strong opinions on Cher Lloyd for the past week. I loved her at her audition and even more at boot camp with her rendition of coldplay's Viva la vida. The thing is that her performance at the judges home stage in the competition was pretty much non existent so she should never have got through over Gamu who I loved also. But, after last night's performance, I think she has now earned her place.
Then there is Katie who I like because she is so different but again, she didn't deserve her place above Gamu. But last night's performance was very good. Maybe not her voice but she is without a doubt a great performer.
And there is the scouser. Rebecca. I love her and will be backing her all the way this year. As I will be with Aiden and Matt. Both have unique voices and both deserve a shot at stardom.
Mary was good but i'm not sure how versatile her voice is. She is great with big songs with big notes but how will she do on disco week for instance? Storm. Well, I actually really like him but he is just a few years too late for the sort of singer he is. Didn't think much of Paije. I liked him in his audition but didn't like him last night but I really do hate that song so we'll see what happens. Wagner is hilarious and I have to agree with Simon's statement 'Embrace the madness' cos that is what this year is all about. He is right that this country has become so serious and uptight and I think with allthe bad things that have happened to our nation we all need a bit of Wagner in our lives.
The only person I really can't stand is Nicolo. What a wanker. That's all I have to say about him. What a total wanker.
You may have noticed I haven't mentioned any of the groups. There isn't really much to say. None of them interest me except the madness that is Diva Fever but for the same reason as Wagner.
Embrace the madness.
Saturday, 9 October 2010
A King Among Men
I am in the middle of reading Stephen King's masterpiece, The Dark Tower series. 7 books totalling close to 4000 pages. I had been wanting to read these books for some time but just never bothered to actually buy the first one, The Gunslinger. My forever thoughtful girlfriend bought it for me for christmas and I read it shortly afterwards. I must admit, I found it a hard read but I knew this book was the start of something incredible and boy was I right. I'm now reading the fifth one and as much as I can't wait to find out what happens, a part of me is saddened by the fact that I will probably be finished the whole series before this christmas. Roland, Jake, Eddie, Susannah and The Dark Man have become almost like real people in my life. I feel like i've been privy to their journey through Mid-world.
I know some of you won't get what i'm talking about but i'm certain that a few of you will. And I know for a fact that my girlfriend will be feeling the same thing about these books. She is an aspiring writer and I know she envies Stephen King for his brilliant mind. She's having a few struggles at the moment getting things down in writing and I see how frustrated she gets so I try to keep my mouth shut and let her figure stuff out in her own way. But I came across a quote by Stephen King today and I think she will understand it more than most as i'm sure the problem she's having is nothing to do with a lack of ideas but more a lack of being able to transfer them from thoughts to writing. It goes something like this;
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings. Words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out."
I know some of you won't get what i'm talking about but i'm certain that a few of you will. And I know for a fact that my girlfriend will be feeling the same thing about these books. She is an aspiring writer and I know she envies Stephen King for his brilliant mind. She's having a few struggles at the moment getting things down in writing and I see how frustrated she gets so I try to keep my mouth shut and let her figure stuff out in her own way. But I came across a quote by Stephen King today and I think she will understand it more than most as i'm sure the problem she's having is nothing to do with a lack of ideas but more a lack of being able to transfer them from thoughts to writing. It goes something like this;
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings. Words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out."
Friday, 8 October 2010
Intro
So, as odd as it sounds, i'm gonna attempt to keep this blog as kind of a journal. The odd part being that I have never kept a journal in my life. Not even a silly little diary as a kid with the rubbish tiny padlocks that pop open easy with a little tug (yes, I am guilty of breaking into one but I won't say whose) and clicks back shut without anyone knowing you'd been in there. The even odder thing is the reason I have never kept one is because i'd be worried about somebody reading it and knowing stuff about me I wouldn't want to share, yet here I am writing this for the whole world to see. I guess the upside to keeping a kind of online diary is I can choose what you all see.
My other reason for this is simply that I now live many miles away from my closest friends and family and find it difficult to keep up with everyone so for those of you that are interested there is a place you can find out what i've been up to, what music i'm listening to, what strange, random thoughts i'm having and read my long-winded rants.
Speaking of which, I had a small one earlier on facebook about Justin Fucking Bieber. I just can't get my head round the whole thing. Is he really for real? The latest is that he has a film (that's right, I said 'film' not movie. I'm English) coming out next year of his life story. All 16 years of it. What exactly could it contain? Wet bed sheets and hair straighteners? And about that hair, we'll be seeing it in 3D. 3fuckingD Bieber hair. Will anybody other than pubescent little girls actually part with £10 to watch that? I'd rather give the money to the junkie that sits begging outside the train station on my way to work in the morning. Justin Bloody Bieber, what an absolute joke.
My other reason for this is simply that I now live many miles away from my closest friends and family and find it difficult to keep up with everyone so for those of you that are interested there is a place you can find out what i've been up to, what music i'm listening to, what strange, random thoughts i'm having and read my long-winded rants.
Speaking of which, I had a small one earlier on facebook about Justin Fucking Bieber. I just can't get my head round the whole thing. Is he really for real? The latest is that he has a film (that's right, I said 'film' not movie. I'm English) coming out next year of his life story. All 16 years of it. What exactly could it contain? Wet bed sheets and hair straighteners? And about that hair, we'll be seeing it in 3D. 3fuckingD Bieber hair. Will anybody other than pubescent little girls actually part with £10 to watch that? I'd rather give the money to the junkie that sits begging outside the train station on my way to work in the morning. Justin Bloody Bieber, what an absolute joke.
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